


the secrets that you know

by Anonymous



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Pining, side chaerji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29955897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Ryujin would date Jisu. Hell, shewantsto date Jisu. She wants to sit on her lap, wrap her legs around her waist and kiss her until it hurts. Because she loves her, in a way she shouldn’t, because they arebest friends—always have been, always will be.And best friends don’t do what she dreams of doing with Jisu.Or, the five times Ryujin and Jisu tell each other secrets and the one time they choose to keep their own, together.
Relationships: Choi Jisu | Lia/Shin Ryujin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 81
Collections: Girl Group Jukebox (Round 3)





	the secrets that you know

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone! 
> 
> i couldn't be more excited about writing for gg jukebox, especially in a round where the artist is one that i've been listening and loving for so long. and i wouldn't forgive myself if i didn't use white roses to write a jinlia fic, so... here it is!
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy it and i'm sorry for any possible mistakes. have a nice read! <3

Love is like a rose

And baby, let it grow

No one knows the secrets that you know

— _White Roses, Charli XCX_

  
  


**I.**

It’s a summer night when Ryujin finds herself sitting on Jisu’s bed, concern written all over her face as she silently watches her best friend walk around the room in circles, biting down on her manicured nails— the ones Ryujin spent a whole hour painting earlier that day, and she knows she should be pissed off because, _what the fuck, she drew those stars on Jisu’s nails with all the love and care in the world_ , but Jisu looks like she’s two seconds away from exploding and the last thing Ryujin wants is to worsen her friend’s situation. 

“So,” Jisu starts hesitantly, running her sweaty palms through her skirt, “I have something to tell you. A secret. A _big_ one.”

Ryujin frowns. “You didn’t _kill_ someone, did you? Because I don’t want to go to jail. I can’t listen to _IU_ there.”

“Of course not,” Jisu huffs, taking the empty space left for her on the bed. “But it’s— kind of important to me? I mean, I never told anyone about _this_ before.”

Ryujin’s lips curl up, then she puts her hands over Jisu’s trembling ones, trying to let her know that she’s here and that she’s willing to listen. Jisu’s hands are cold despite the hot weather and Ryujin’s heart aches. There’s nothing she hates more than seeing her _favorite person in the world_ so disturbed. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Jisu closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and nods. Then, as slow as possible, she says, “I think I like girls.”

 _Oh_. Ryujin can’t say she never saw this one coming, because she did. She really, _really_ did. A straight person couldn’t have that many posters from girl group members and western actresses in their bedroom. Or that many _Lady Gaga_ albums. Or a rainbow pin looking pretty in their backpack. Plus, for as far as they knew each other, Jisu never showed any interest in boys— the same way Ryujin hasn’t, and knows she never will.

Now, why is Ryujin’s heart threatening to jump out of her throat because of a secret that, deep down, she already knew?

“Oh—” Ryujin says when she snaps herself out of her thoughts, squeezing Jisu’s hand as a warm smile spreads through her face. “That’s— that’s great, Jisu, really. I’m so glad you trust me enough to tell me that.” 

Jisu releases a sigh, shoulders dropping in pure relief, and a smile of her own takes over her lips. Ryujin couldn’t look away if her own life depended on it. “ _God_ , I was so nervous. Not that I thought you would think I’m disgusting or something, no, it’s just— first time saying this out loud and all that,” Jisu pauses for a moment, then the smile on her face softens, her eyes becoming vulnerable. “I’m happy you’re the first one to know.”

Ryujin chuckles, and she knows she probably looks like a fool right now with how wide she’s grinning, but she finds comfort in the fact that she can’t bring herself to care. “You’re not that slick, you know? You’ve been singing _Born This Way_ the entire week.”

Jisu scoffs, but it’s obvious that she’s having a hard time trying not to laugh. “Please, I’m always singing _Born This Way_.”

“That’s my point, miss Choi.”

Jisu wastes no time before she hits Ryujin with a pillow as revenge. Ryujin manages to snatch the pillow from Jisu’s grip, smirks viciously when the other girl rushes out of the bed, and cracks her knuckles before she announces, “Oh, it’s _on_.”

  
  


After minutes of chasing each other around and nearly injuring their legs every time they slipped over a cushion abandoned on the floor, Ryujin and Jisu are lying side by side on the bed, their hairs all over the place and foreheads glistening with sweat. 

Jisu props her elbow on the pillow and rests her head on her hand, chewing on her bottom lip as she draws an invisible pattern over the sheets. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

Ryujin immediately turns around to face Jisu, giving her best friend her undivided attention. “What is it?”

“Alright,” Jisu giggles, fans herself as her cheeks start to gain color, “I _might_ have a crush on someone from our school.”

 _Okay_. Ryujin definitely shouldn’t have felt her heart crashing down from her throat to the pit of her stomach because Jisu said she has a crush. This is weird. This is _very_ weird. Ryujin doesn’t appreciate whatever it is that it’s going on inside of her, not even one bit.

This discomfort in her stomach might be from all of those popsicles they devoured in the afternoon while waiting to watch the sunset. Yeah, that must be it. Ryujin takes a mental note to never consume that amount of sugar again, no matter how hot the sun was or how delicious they were. She doesn’t know if she can handle feeling like this a second time.

Ryujin blinks multiple times to bring her focus back to the girl in front of her, staring at her with expectant eyes. “Really?” Ryujin manages to put on a smile. “Do I know her?”

“Mhm,” Jisu nods. “Hwang Yeji,” she sighs dreamily, clutches her chest, “I heard she likes girls, too. This means I might have a chance, right?”

 _I like girls too_ , Ryujin thinks, but doesn’t dare to utter those words. Today is about Jisu, she’ll talk about her secret another time. “Totally. Are you planning on, uh,” Ryujin scratches the back of her neck, hesitates before she continues, “asking her out?”

“I don’t know,” Jisu visibly deflates, resting her head over the pillow again. “I want to. But she’s so pretty. And cool. And talented…”

“And so are you, dummy,” Ryujin rolls her eyes and shoves Jisu’s shoulder lightly. “You should try, at least. You two would look good together.”

Ryujin’s throat burns after those words slip out of her mouth. _Popsicles_. Those damn popsicles. Ryujin might as well start an _anti-popsicle_ revolution at this point.

“You think so?” Jisu smiles, and it’s so bright and genuine that Ryujin finds herself smiling back against her will as she nods. “I’ll think about it, then.”

Jisu talks about Yeji and every little thing she likes about her until she falls asleep. Ryujin, on the other hand, remains wide awake as she stares at the white ceiling, mind running wild with questions that she has no answer for. She knows the summer has nothing to do with this mess, but she still chooses to blame this cruel season for it, anyway.

  
  


**II.**

It's been three months since the fateful day of the _revelation_.

Ryujin is sprawled on her bed, a random movie playing on the laptop in front of her while she keeps staring at her phone, sighing when she opens the _KaKaoTalk_ app for the nth time that night only to find no new messages from Jisu. The girl went to a party with some kids from the art club, and according to the texts she sent a few hours ago, tonight would be the night where she would finally confess her feelings for Hwang Yeji.

Despite still feeling sick whenever Jisu mentioned Yeji and how _great_ and _attractive_ the girl was, Ryujin hoped things would go well for her. God knows she wouldn't handle seeing her best friend crying because she was rejected for the first time without bawling her eyes out— Jisu's tears are the only thing that never fail to turn Ryujin into a sobbing mess.

Jisu promised she would text Ryujin to let her know if _mission confessing to the hottest girl in school_ worked or not, and the lack of updates could only mean two things: Jisu was living her best life while kissing Hwang Yeji in some cramped bathroom or she was completely devastated. Both options bother Ryujin to the point where she worries she might do something stupid, like dragging herself to that party in her pajamas and ruining her reputation forever. But it’s not like she has one to keep, in the first place— people only know her as the quiet kid that gets good grades and follows Choi Jisu everywhere she goes.

Two seconds away from combusting from worry, Ryujin taps on Jisu’s contact and is determined to call her best friend for as many times as she could until she got an answer, but a noise coming from outside the window makes her body freeze. 

_It’s not a windy night, so why the hell is the tree making that sound?_ Ryujin wonders as she gulps, wide eyes glued to the glass protecting her from whatever it’s on the other side. _I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die—_

Ryujin prays to every deity she knows when the branches begin to shake more violently, causing some of the leaves to fall to the ground. Color has drained from her face and Ryujin is clutching her sheets for dear life because, _holy shit, I’m about to be murdered and— good lord, was that a yelp I just heard—_

Then Jisu in all of her glossy lips, glittery eyeshadow and red dress glory knocks on her window. It takes a while for Ryujin to come to her senses, because she can’t believe she nearly had a heart attack because of her goofy, next-level dramatic best friend that couldn’t ring the doorbell like a normal person.

Ryujin pushes herself up, with a lot of difficulty because her legs are still shaking from the whole _I can’t believe this is how I’ll die_ experience, and opens the window so Jisu can slide in. The girl struggles for a moment, stumbling when her feet touch the ground, but even though she’s still recovering Ryujin manages to catch her before she falls. 

Ryujin has one arm wrapped around Jisu’s waist while the other rests behind her neck, and now that they’re this close, she can’t help but to wonder, has Jisu always been this beautiful? Has the brown of her eyes always been this magnetic? Has her lips always been this inviting? Those are dangerous questions, and the possibility of finding the answers to them fills Ryujin’s heart with nothing but dread, so instead she shakes her head, scowls, and blurts out, “Are you out of your mind, Choi Jisu? I thought someone was about to _murder_ me.”

Jisu smiles sheepishly, untangling herself from Ryujin’s hold. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

Ryujin huffs, choosing to sit on her office chair as she watches Jisu throw herself over her sheets. “So, what brings you here at,” Ryujin checks the digital clock on the desk, then turns to Jisu with a questioning look, “Midnight? And why didn’t you text me like you said you would?”

Jisu drags her fingers over her hair and sighs, looking and sounding defeated as she says, “You won’t believe what happened at the party.” 

_Uh oh._ Ryujin doesn’t like where this conversation is going. “Spill.”

“I saw Yeji and Chaeryeong kissing. And when I say kissing I mean _kissing_ , with tongue and all, Ryujin!” Jisu whines, buries her face on the pillow, and Ryujin can barely hear what she says next, “Then I found out they’re _dating_.” 

“Wait a minute,” Ryujin laughs nervously, blinks a few times, “Hwang Yeji and Lee Chaeryeong are _dating?_ ”

Jisu looks up, and now she has this huge pout on her face that makes Ryujin want to hug her and protect her from everything that is bad in the world. “Yeah. I didn’t even get to tell Yeji I like her because I ran away as soon as she told me she was with Chaeryeong.” Jisu takes one of Ryujin’s plushies into her arms and sighs. “That’s a secret, by the way. Not a lot of people know they’re together.”

Ryujin barely knows Yeji and now she has to keep one of her secrets. That’s _not_ how she expected her Friday night to go.

But none of that juicy, coming of age movie worthy, high school gossip matters— at least not now, not when she has a downcast Jisu on her bed, resembling a child that lost their favorite doll. Jisu needs her best friend’s support, and that’s exactly what Ryujin is about to give her.

"Come here," Ryujin says as she opens her arms, a sympathetic smile plastered on her lips as she watches the other girl get up from the bed and make her way towards her. Jisu wastes no time before she makes herself comfortable on Ryujin's lap, chin resting on top of Ryujin's exposed shoulder, arms finding their way around her torso with ease.

Ryujin is not used to this, being the one that holds instead of the one being held, but it doesn’t mean that she hates it. It’s quite the opposite, actually— knowing that she’s the one that Jisu goes to whenever she’s troubled makes Ryujin feel like she’s the luckiest person on the planet, and she would be damned if she ever did something that could possibly ruin this special connection they have with each other.

"You okay?" Ryujin asks quietly, allowing herself to hold the girl tighter and run her fingers through her dark locks.

"I'll be fine," Jisu shrugs, "I guess me, Yeji, our wedding at the beach and our three babies weren't meant to be after all.”

Ryujin giggles and, not even a second later, Jisu joins her. Ryujin will never get tired of the feeling of having Jisu pressed against her, their whole bodies shaking with laughter. It feels calming and grounding, a reminder that life can be good as long as you have the right people by your side. It feels a lot like coming home. 

“Damn, _three_ babies?” Ryujin teases. “The last time I checked you were going for two.”

“I decided it would be three on my way to the party,” Jisu sighs, lifts her head up to meet Ryujin’s eyes. “They make a good pair, Yeji and Chaeryeong. I’d kiss them both if I could.”

“Woah, woah,” Ryujin laughs and pats Jisu’s head. “Slow down, alright?”

Jisu raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms. “Wouldn’t you?”

“Fine, I would,” Ryujin rolls her eyes. “But that’s not the point.”

Jisu keeps her mouth shut, but a smirk starts creeping its way to her lips. Ryujin is about to ask if she said something wrong when, _oh_ — the meaning behind her answer comes crashing in, causing her cheeks to flush a bright red. That’s not how she expected she would end up revealing to Jisu that she’s into girls too. Maybe there’s no such thing as perfect timing, after all. 

“Okay, before you attack me, I was planning on telling you soon,” Ryujin starts and Jisu’s smirk grows with each word that leaves her mouth, “I was just waiting for the right time.”

“It’s not like I _didn’t_ know,” Jisu explains, the funny expression melting into a softer one, “but I wanted to hear it from you. Now, let me give you the tightest hug in the world.”

Ryujin chuckles, nods, and soon enough she’s being pulled into Jisu’s warm embrace. Ryujin listens to Jisu’s heartbeat, sighs as the sound works on her like a medicine and successfully removes the weight off her shoulders.

“You know I love you, right?” Ryujin finds herself whispering before she can think about what she’s doing, eyes fluttering closed as Jisu keeps caressing her cheek with the back of her hand.

“Mhm,” Jisu murmurs. Ryujin knows that she’s smiling from the tone of her voice alone. Her heart swells. “I love you too. You and me forever, okay?”

Ryujin can’t help but to grin like a fool after hearing those words. Jisu will be alright. The _two_ of them will be alright, as long as they have each other. “Okay.”

  
  


**III.**

It’s summer once again. But this time, it’s Ryujin’s last summer before she has to leave for college. 

Ryujin knows damn well she has to enjoy this one to the fullest, and there was no way she could do that without her best friend by her side, so she asked the girl to come spend a month with her at her favorite aunt’s house. Jisu accepted the offer and now they’re here, sitting on the porch while they watch Ryujin’s cousin chase after her cat. It’s quite a view, Ryujin has to admit.

“Yuna!” Ryujin screams when the girl manages to jump over the fence, “You’re going to end up hurting yourself like this!”

“Jisu unnie will take care of me if I do!” Yuna shouts back when she finally grabs her cat. “Right, unnie?”

Jisu gives the girl a thumbs up, a huge smile plastered on her face. Ryujin rolls her eyes at the scene.

“She’s adorable,” Jisu says, moving to be able to place her head over Ryujin’s legs. “Unlike _you_.”

Ryujin gasps, covering her mouth as she feigns offense. “You’re hurting my feelings, Choi Jisu.”

Jisu closes her eyes and stifles a laugh. “You’ll survive.”

Ryujin wants to flick her forehead for being _rude_ , but Jisu looks so adorable with her hair all over her legs and sunkissed cheeks that she decides to stop and stare instead. Jisu always looks stunning, that’s common knowledge, but it’s different when she’s like this— eyes shut, basking in natural light, becoming one with the summer sun.

Ryujin is so distracted by the breathtaking view on her lap that it takes her by surprise when Jisu, without opening her eyes, reaches for her wrist and places her hand on the top of her head, grinning softly before she says, “I know you’re staring. At least give me some affection while you’re at it.”

“I wasn’t _staring_ ,” Ryujin whines, but her fingers eventually start working on Jisu’s hair, caressing her scalp with the tip of her nails and giggling whenever the girl shudders from the touch. 

“She totally was.” Yuna announces as she passes through the porch, flashing Ryujin a devilish smirk before she quickly disappears into the house, afraid that her cousin might get up and chase after her with a rock for the teasing remark.

Jisu cracks one eye open, her grin becoming anything but _soft_ , and Ryujin nearly chokes on her own saliva. “It’s okay to stare, Ryujin. I know I’m gorgeous.”

Ryujin can feel her palms starting to sweat from the attention, so instead of standing up for herself she simply says, “Shut up, or else I’ll cut your hair while you’re asleep.” 

It’s Jisu’s turn to gasp this time, ten times more dramatic and comical than Ryujin could ever be. _Where is this girl’s Oscar?_ “You wouldn’t.”

“I totally would. Then I’d sell this healthy hair of yours for a good amount of money.”

Jisu pouts, eyes fluttering closed again. “You’re mean.”

“You’re meaner.”

“No, you are.”

“You!”

“You, Shin Ryujin!”

“Zip your mouth or I’ll go get the scissors.”

“Geez. _Fine_.”

  
  


It’s midnight now. Ryujin’s family is asleep while she’s on the playground where she used to spend so many afternoons playing with Yuna, building sand castles and scraping their knees on the ground. She doesn’t know when she’ll have the opportunity to come here again. It’s bittersweet, but at least she’s not alone.

Jisu is sitting on the other swing, eyes darting up and down as she sketches a night sky on the last page of an old book. Jisu doesn’t have to say it, but Ryujin knows she’s feeling uneasy, too— the girl often draws stars, clouds and the moon when she’s trying to calm herself down. She’s been like this for as long as they knew each other, drawings only getting better as the years went by.

Ryujin keeps her phone’s flashlight on so Jisu can work with ease, mindlessly tapping her feet the floor as she keeps alternating her focus from the art to the way Jisu’s hair keeps falling over her eyes, dying to reach out and put the loose strands behind her ears. Maybe even brush her fingers against her cheeks, let her thumb travel to her lips and—

“Are you nervous?” Jisu asks, pencil still dancing over the book. “About college, I mean.”

“A lot,” Ryujin answers after she manages to stop wondering how it would feel to have her fingers on top of Jisu’s lips and comes to her senses. “But at least we’ll be roommates.”

“Yeah,” Jisu giggles, “I thought I’d be stuck with some weirdo I know nothing about for years, but turns out the weirdo is just _you_.”

Ryujin scoffs. “You don’t know how much I regret bringing you to this trip with me.”

“You would be bored to death without my presence,” Jisu winks and Ryujin rolls her eyes to the back of her head. She hopes the darkness is enough to cover the red flush that takes over her face.

Jisu’s attention returns to the drawing and Ryujin keeps admiring her in silence, wishing this moment could last forever. If she had half of her friend’s skills, the view in front of her is exactly what she would like to draw— a pretty girl under a bright sky, jaw clenched, tongue sticking out in concentration. Ryujin’s gaze falls to Jisu’s hands, watches how strong her grip on the pencil is and feels her mouth go dry. 

Ryujin is ready to spend the next minutes screaming inside of her head because, _sure, Jisu is the prettiest human alive, but Ryujin has no idea when her best friend became this attractive_ , when the wind starts to blow and Jisu shivers, closing the book to wrap her arms around her own body. 

Ryujin is glad that she’s a loser that walks around with a hoodie even in the middle of the summer, because now she can remove it and hand it over to Jisu, who is way too vulnerable when it comes to sudden temperature changes. 

Jisu accepts it, but she does it with a pout on her lips and a mix of guilt and appreciation shining in her eyes. “What about you?”

“I’ll be alright,” Ryujin reassures the girl with a pat on her legs and a sweet smile. “Now put it on. I don’t want you to get sick.”

Jisu nods. “Thanks,” she says before she throws the hoodie over her body, exhaling when the warmth of the fabric embraces her skin, causing her muscles to relax. Then she stops, turns to look at Ryujin with fond eyes for a second, and says, “You will make a great girlfriend, you know that? I’d date you if you weren’t my best friend.”

 _I’d date you if you weren’t my best friend_. Ryujin could have never prepared herself to hear those words coming out of Jisu’s mouth. Nor does she believe that these were the words that made her realize that yes, she _would_ date Jisu. Hell, she _wants_ to date Jisu. She wants to sit on her lap, wrap her legs around her waist and kiss her until it hurts. Because she loves her, in a way she shouldn’t, because they are _best friends_ — always have been, always will be.

“Same,” Ryujin says over the lump forming on her throat, tries her best to make a smile appear on her lips, “I’d date you, too.”

“Oh yeah?” Jisu wiggles her eyebrows, oblivious to the effect her words had on Ryujin. “Give me a reason why.”

“You know,” Ryujin’s gaze drops to the ground as she fidgets with the silver rings on her fingers. She can’t look Jisu in the eyes, at least not now. “Your smile.”

“Mhm. Do you want to hear mine?” Ryujin nods, and Jisu continues, “I think you’re the best when it comes to protecting the people you love the most. I could see a lot of that the past few weeks, with how you act with Yuna and the rest of your family.” Jisu pauses, nudges Ryujin’s foot with her own to make her look up. “You never hesitate to take care of me, too,” Jisu gestures to the hoodie she’s wearing and laughs. “That’s why I think your future girlfriend, whoever she is, is a lucky one.” 

Ryujin wants to cry. Then she feels something wet slide through her cheeks and, shit, is she _already crying—_

“You didn’t have to get all emotional, Jisu,” Ryujin whines as she wipes her tears with the back of her hands. 

“It’s not my fault you’re such a crybaby,” Jisu retorts, getting up from the swing and kneeling down in front of Ryujin to carefully pull her hands away from her face, making it her job to clean the tears that insist to keep on falling. “But seriously, I meant every word I said.”

Ryujin huffs. “Now I feel like a shitty friend for only talking about your smile.”

Jisu chuckles, “It’s okay. I already know you like _everything_ about me.”

Ryujin does. She really fucking does. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“And you love me for that,” Jisu grins. “But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

Again, Ryujin does. It’s ridiculous how much she does. She might as well tattoo _I love Choi Jisu, her stupid words and her beautiful soul_ on her forehead so the rest of the world can be aware of that, too.

Ryujin clears her throat and crosses her arms under her chest. “We should go back now, it’s too late.”

It’s not _that_ late yet, at least not for the two of them. But Ryujin desperately needs time to be alone, time to come up with a way to deal with what she found out against her will. And she can’t do that here, with Jisu’s hands on each side of her face, holding her like she’s made of porcelain.

“Alright,” Jisu taps Ryujin’s cheeks one last time before she gets up, grabbing the book before she offers Ryujin her hand. 

Summers are never kind to Ryujin. This one couldn’t be different.

She takes Jisu’s hand, anyway.

  
  


**IV.**

College isn’t that bad.

Sure, Ryujin hates the all-nighters and the unhealthy amount of coffee she has to drink to stay awake during classes, but it’s not _that_ bad. She’ll survive. At least she’s trying to convince herself that she will.

Ryujin is focusing on the good things— like the fact that she is now friends with Hwang Yeji, the same Hwang Yeji that had Jisu wrapped around her fingers in high school, and by extension became friends with her girlfriend, too. Ryujin thinks it’s admirable how Yeji and Chaeryeong are still obsessed with each other after all this time, and sometimes she teases them about it, but it never ends well— at least not for her.

See, it didn’t take the couple more than a week for them to come to her and drop the question: _do you like Jisu?_ And Ryujin is a terrible liar when it comes to her feelings for Jisu, so she chose to ignore the shame and tell her new friends the truth: _no, I’m in love with her._

It’s been two semesters since the _confession,_ and they haven’t let her live since. 

“Aren’t you at least a _little bit_ tired of each other?” Ryujin groans when Chaeryeong pulls Yeji for a kiss when the elevator doors close, the third since they left the cafeteria and went back to the dorms.

“You’ve been in love with Jisu for, like, your entire life,” Chaeryeong retorts, head resting comfortably on Yeji’s shoulder now that they’ve pulled away. “I should be the one asking you that.”

“She’ll never get tired of her _dream girl,_ her _fairytale princess,_ her _one true love_ —”

Ryujin flicks Yeji’s forehead in a desperate attempt to make her _stop_. “Shut up, Yeji.”

“Ow,” Yeji whines as she rubs her skin, “I was simply stating the truth.”

“And I think you should stop watching Disney movies,” Ryujin rolls her eyes, a relieved sigh leaving her lips when the door opens. Yeji and Chaeryeong managed to crawl under her skin, built a home in her heart and she loves them _a lot,_ she swears she does, but sometimes the only thing she wants is to step on their feet. Like now. “See you tomorrow. _Losers_.”

“ _Hey—_ ”

Ryujin disappears from their sight before Chaeryeong can attempt to murder her, stumbling into a few students on her way to the dorm she shares with Jisu. What she doesn’t expect to see when she unlocks the door, though, is Jisu anxiously waiting for her, her collection of pencils scattered all over their study desk and crumpled pieces of paper in every corner of the room. 

“You’re here, _finally_ ,” Jisu claps and quickly grabs her sketchbook and favorite pencil, throwing herself on the chair as she motions for Ryujin to sit on the bed. 

“Uh, hello to you too,” Ryujin laughs, and she’s clearly confused, but decides to obey. “What’s all this?”

“I need to draw you for an assignment,” Jisu explains, fixing her glasses with the tip of her finger as she tilts her head to the side, quietly studying Ryujin’s position. “No, don’t sit. Lie down on your side, like you do when you’re going to sleep.” Ryujin follows the instructions and Jisu smiles, satisfied. “Perfect. Now just keep staring at me, okay?”

Ryujin nods, feeling her body relax over the soft mattress. “Got this one today?”

“No,” Jisu sighs, pausing the sketching for a moment as her shoulders drop. “It was last week, actually. But I didn’t know what to draw,” she smirks, but her eyes become tender when the pencil touches the paper again, “at least not until now.”

The butterflies tickle the corners of Ryujin’s stomach at the sight, and she knows she should remain quiet and let Jisu work on the drawing in peace, but the annoying voice at the back of her head won’t leave her alone until she asks, “What’s the theme of this assignment?”

Jisu flinches, and Ryujin swears she sees a hint of panic flash through her eyes, but it’s gone before she can question it. Instead of giving the answer Ryujin was dying to hear, Jisu puts on a grin, switches to another pencil, and says with a shrug, “Can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

Ryujin scoffs. “Come _on_. Tell me.”

Jisu shakes her head. “You won’t be getting any information out of me. Now just stay quiet and let me finish drawing this pretty face of yours, hm?”

 _Pretty_. Ryujin never knows what to do with herself when Jisu calls her pretty. “I’ll sue you for using my _pretty face_ without giving me any context about this… secret assignment. What if the theme is something like, _draw the worst bitch to ever exist—_ ”

“Ryujin.” Jisu glares at her. Ryujin gulps. “ _Shh_.”

Ryujin finally shuts up. Her brain, on the other hand, refuses to.

  
  


Yeji was all smiles when Ryujin found her stretching in the practice room the next day. She also had a purple mark on her neck, which explained a lot. _Gross_. 

“Spare me from the details, please,” Ryujin says as she leaves her backpack on the floor and leans against the door, “I really don’t wanna hear about how Chaeryeong gave you _that_.”

“Why? Jealous much?” Yeji wiggles her eyebrows, unfazed by Ryujin’s scowl. “ _This_ was a reward for letting her draw me for, like, three hours last night.”

 _Right_. Jisu and Chaeryeong share a lot of the same classes. But she did _not_ need to know about the reward part. “You were Chaeryeong’s muse? The theme must be something good, then.”

Yeji stops stretching and frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I was a muse too. Jisu’s.”

“Dude,” Yeji deadpans. Blinks once, twice, then hesitantly says, “The assignment was literally about drawing what you love the most.”

_Oh?_

_Oh._

Ryujin needs to sit down. So she does, ungraciously, falling flat on the cold floor. Her heart threatening to jump out of her throat is enough to distract her from the pain. “I— I had no idea.”

“Okay, calm down,” Yeji rushes to her side, offers her a bottle of water. “Drink up. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Ryujin does what she was told, wiping the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand before she blurts out, “You should call an ambulance, Yeji. I think I’m going to faint.”

“Stop being a drama queen,” Yeji rolls her eyes, but she still pulls Ryujin into a tight hug. “Isn’t that a good thing? That means you’re the one she loves the most.”

Ryujin sighs, shoving her face into Yeji’s shoulder. “Yeah, but— why didn’t she want to tell me the theme? I’m already used to the fact that she doesn’t love me the way I love her, so I don’t— I _can’t_ get my hopes up now.”

“She gave you a reason to hope,” Yeji says, “so why not hold on to that?”

Ryujin chokes out a sob, her voice cracking when she answers, “Because I don’t want to get hurt.”

“Oh, Ryujin,” Yeji tightens the hug, carefully bringing Ryujin up to her lap. “Let it out. You need to.”

So Ryujin does. She cries for Jisu for the first time since that summer night at the playground, silently praying that none of the other students burst into the room while she crumbles.

“I’m ridiculous,” Ryujin sniffles, massages her temples. “I’m crying over an _assignment_.”

“No, you’re crying because sometimes love can hurt, and that’s okay.” Yeji rubs Ryujin’s arms and flashes her a comforting smile, “You’ll be fine.”

“Thanks,” Ryujin says, and she hopes Yeji knows she means it from the bottom of her heart. “Now, you should worry about covering up this mess on your neck.”

Yeji smirks, fingers moving up to trace the mark her girlfriend left on her skin. “Chaeryeong told me not to.”

Ryujin’s face contorts in disgust. “ _God_ , why do I even bother?”

  
  


**V.**

Movie nights are _their_ thing. And when Ryujin says _their_ , that means Yeji and Chaeryeong are included. 

What started as a way to celebrate the end of a soul-wrenching semester quickly became a ritual— every weekend the four friends find themselves cramped in one of their dorms to watch multiple movies, varying in duration and genres, until their eyes are burning and begging for some rest.

But that night they couldn’t seem to agree with each other on _anything_. Jisu wanted to start with a pop music documentary, Chaeryeong was going for musicals, Ryujin was dying to watch a sci-fi classic and Yeji— well, she wanted the one movie genre none of the other three could stand: _horror_. And since they’re grown adults that solve their problems with maturity, they decided to choose a winner through a game of rock paper scissors. 

And since the universe seems to have a vendetta against cowards, Yeji wins.

It’s quite a scene— Chaeryeong whimpering under the covers, Jisu hiding her face with her hair and Ryujin hitting her head against the wall every time she tries to protect herself behind Jisu’s back. Yeji is unbothered by the jumpscares and the blood, laughing her ass off when a ghost appears on the screen and rambling about how ridiculous the special effects are. Ryujin would slap her if her arms didn’t feel like jelly.

“You’re going to hell for this, Hwang Yeji,” Ryujin says when the movie comes to an end, a shaky breath leaving her lips as she stretches her limbs. Yeji sticks out her tongue in lieu of an answer.

“We need to watch something light after… _that_ ,” Jisu says through her teeth, throws Yeji a glare over her shoulders. “Lemonade Mouth, anyone?”

All of them agree with Jisu’s suggestion. Yeji searches for the movie, presses play, and soon the four of them are screaming the lyrics to every song at the top of their lungs, images of bloody knives and scary ghosts fading to the back of their heads.

  
  


The movie is nearing its end when Ryujin turns around to ask Chaeryeong a question, only to find the girl busy sucking Yeji’s mouth. How _lovely_. How _great_. Ryujin loves her friends and their inability to keep their hands to themselves.

Then Ryujin decides to go for Jisu instead, but her heart stops when she finds out the girl is staring at their friends kissing on the other bed, an unreadable expression on her face. 

Ryujin’s mind starts to go wild. The rational part of her brain reminds her that _no_ , Jisu is no longer into Yeji so she has nothing to worry about, while the other keeps screaming _code red, code red, code red_ — because, _what if?_ What if Jisu is jealous? What if the fact that they’re all close friends now is messing with her feelings? What if she’s… _hurting?_

Ryujin doesn’t realize she has a vicious grip on the sheets until Jisu places a hand over her own. Her body jolts at the sudden contact, and it takes a while for her to understand that Jisu’s focus is no longer at the other bed— she’s staring at her, a tender smile on her face that can only be translated to _don’t worry, I’m fine._

Ryujin smiles back and forces herself to pay attention to the movie again. She hopes Jisu’s smile was telling the truth.

  
  


When the movie night comes to an end and they return to their dorm, it’s no surprise that neither of them can close their eyes and fall asleep. Part of the damage is on Yeji for making them watch the _most disturbing movie ever made_ , but it would be a lie to say they don’t have a lot going on in their heads, too.

And Ryujin doesn’t know if she should be thankful or angry at the universe for this, but it doesn’t take long for Jisu to leave her bed and join Ryujin on hers, a pleased hum escaping her lips when she slides under the covers and automatically puts her hands around Ryujin’s waist.

They haven’t shared a bed— at least not like this, at least not this close— in so, _so_ long. Ryujin tries to breathe, but her soul is burning up. She wonders if Jisu can feel the flames spreading through her skin, if they make the tip of her fingers sting. 

As expected, Jisu doesn’t move her hands. She’s the sun, so it’s only normal that she’s used to the fire.

“I wish I could sue Yeji for irreversible brain damage,” Jisu starts, rolling her eyes. “I’m _never_ watching a horror movie again.”

Ryujin giggles. “Yeah. We should prank her next time. Teach her a lesson or two.”

Jisu laughs, and after that silence takes over the room— not the usual peaceful, comfortable one, but an awkward silence that makes Ryujin feel all sorts of uneasy. She’s dying to know what Jisu is quietly pondering about, although her intuition tells her they might be bothered by the same thing.

“ _About earlier—_ ”

They blurt out at the same time, pause at the same time and chuckle at the same time. “You go first,” Jisu says after they compose themselves, causing Ryujin to nibble on her lower lip.

“Okay. So,” Ryujin clears her throat and scratches her neck. “Are you— do you still—”

“No.” Jisu interrupts her. “I swear, I’m not into Yeji.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Ryujin exhales, muscles relaxing. “Good.”

Her eyes that were glued to the ceiling are now focused on Jisu, and the way the other girl is staring at her is making her feel dizzy— that and the fact that Jisu’s thumb is now under her shirt, drawing random patterns on her back. 

Ryujin shuts her eyes as her breath hitches against her will. Jisu notices and stops the movements, but keeps her fingers in the same place. Ryujin shouts every curse word she knows in her brain.

“Look at me,” Jisu says, taps Ryujin’s cheek with her free hand. Ryujin slowly cracks her eyes open, heart racing when she notices Jisu is _close_ , way closer than before. “I have to tell you a secret.”

Ryujin nods, a hand moving to press against Jisu’s so she keeps the warm touch on her face. “So do it.”

“I was staring at them earlier because I—” Jisu wets her lips, “I wanted to do the same thing, but with _you_.”

Ryujin is suddenly hyperaware of their situation. They’re sharing a bed, their legs are wrapped, Jisu has one hand on her cheek and the other under her shirt and she wants to kiss her— Choi Jisu, her best friend and the love of her life, didn’t want to kiss Yeji or Chaeryeong as Ryujin had suspected, she wanted— no, she _wants_ to kiss _her_. 

Ryujin heard her loud and clear. She knows this isn’t one of her wild dreams. Jisu is in front of her, in all of her messy hair and glistening lips glory, waiting for her. Still, Ryujin is a loser that spent a year convincing herself that she would never get the girl, so she asks under her breath, “You want— you want to kiss _me_?” 

“I do,” Jisu answers with conviction as she caresses Ryujin’s cheek, eyes dropping to her mouth. “So fucking bad.”

That’s all Ryujin needed to hear to close the distance between them and finally press their lips together in a slow, gentle kiss.

Kissing Jisu, Ryujin learns as the girl whimpers against her mouth, feels like coming home after wandering alone through the woods for years. Jisu tastes of orange juice, popsicles in the summer and late night whispers, buried secrets that none of them had the courage to discuss before.

“This is,” Jisu murmurs as her lips travel down to leave wet kisses on Ryujin’s neck, “way better than I had imagined.”

Ryujin shivers, bites her lips when a goosebump runs down her spine. “How many times have you thought about kissing me?”

Jisu smirks before leaving one last kiss against Ryujin’s flushed skin, cupping her face with both hands. “Too many to count.”

Ryujin whines, still weak from the feeling of Jisu’s mouth pressing down on her neck to form a coherent sentence. Jisu can only chuckle at the sound, deciding to bring Ryujin’s head down to rest comfortably against her chest. 

Being held this _close_ , this _tight_ by the girl she loves the most, is soothing. Ryujin’s eyes flutter closed as she listens to the sound of Jisu’s heart beating in sync with hers, hands easily finding their way towards each other in the dark. Jisu entwines their fingers, kisses her forehead, and thousands of shooting stars flash through Ryujin’s stomach. 

It’s a pretty moment, and there are many pretty words sitting on the tip of Ryujin’s tongue, itching to come out. But for now all she wants is for them to stay _like this_ — for one night, the only thing she needs is to fall asleep in Jisu’s arms, to slip into dreamland knowing that, for once, she can let herself drown in hope.

Because for the very first time, drowning won’t kill her.

  
  


**+I.**

They decide to have breakfast at the beach.

To be honest, Jisu is the one that makes the decision for the two of them as soon as she opens her eyes, sounding way too excited for someone who woke up at eight in the morning on a Sunday. Ryujin would love to sleep until noon, but the pout on Jisu’s lips is irresistible and there’s nothing in the world she wouldn’t do to make her happy, so she has no choice but to say yes.

They stop at a bakery to grab some pastries and coffee before they take the bus, rushing to sit together at the back. They point at trees, give funny names to pedestrians and giggle at the cute puppies they see running through the streets like they were kids again.

It’s a relief when they arrive at the beach and find out the place is completely empty. There’s no reason for normal people to be at the beach in such a cold, gloomy morning, and maybe that was Jisu’s plan all along— it would be hard to find time to come to the beach again considering all the assignments they have to finish, even harder to be blessed with such peace and serenity.

They put a blanket on the sand, organizing what they bought over the fabric before they sit. Ryujin is busy sipping on her coffee when Jisu speaks up, “I have something to show you.”

Ryujin turns her head to the side, sees how Jisu is struggling to keep her hair in place due to the wind, and laughs behind her fist. “What is it?”

Jisu opens her bag, grabs a piece of paper and holds it close to her chest. “It’s not finished yet, and this is just a copy, but…”

Jisu hands Ryujin the paper, and when she takes a look at it— _oh_. It’s the drawing of her, on the bed, staring at Jisu like she hung all the stars in the sky. The one that with every stroke Jisu was trying to say _I love you, Shin Ryujin, the most_. 

Ryujin _drowns, drowns, drowns_ — wants to say beautiful things and admire the way Jisu takes them in, but none of them can express how much she feels, how much she wants Jisu and no one else. So instead Ryujin grabs Jisu by the neck and kisses her— deeply, desperately, passionately, a sharp contrast to their first one. This time it’s teeth and tongue and devotion that melts into needy whimpers, both refusing to stop until their lungs are burning for air.

Jisu runs her nails through Ryujin’s nape when they pull apart, and Ryujin swears her smile shines even brighter now that her lips are red and swollen. Jisu looks _ethereal_ , and the stars in her eyes are way too familiar— reminds Ryujin of a summer night where a secret was revealed and she was convinced that popsicles were messing with her body. 

Ryujin knows Jisu wants to tell her something important. She might know what it is. Every ounce of her soul wants, is desperate to hear it.

Jisu carefully takes Ryujin’s hands in hers, caresses their backs like they’re made of a precious jewel, and in the most sincere, adoring tone Ryujin has ever heard, Jisu finally confesses, “I love you. I love you as my best friend and I love you as more— as a partner, as a _lover_ , and I’d love to show you how much, if you let me.”

Ryujin wants to bawl her eyes out. But there’s something she wants to ask, _needs_ to, so she takes a deep breath as she squeezes Jisu’s hands, unwilling to let her go. “How long?”

“My whole life, I think?” Jisu lets out a wet laugh and Ryujin can’t help but to let one of her own out, too. “But if you’re wondering when it _hit me_ , it was when we went to your aunt’s house that summer before leaving for college,” Jisu takes a deep breath before she continues, “I was _so_ afraid. Our lives were about to change forever, but at least I knew you were with me— knew you would _always_ be with me, no matter what. It felt nice, being sure of that one thing. That’s how I realized that I wouldn’t mind spending my whole life with you, loving you.” Jisu leans in to press a quick kiss on the corner of Ryujin’s mouth and chuckles when Ryujin makes an embarrassed noise. “And I wasn’t lying when I said I would date you. But I was a cowardly little shit, so I had to find a way to not make that _too_ obvious.”

“Wow,” Ryujin breathes out, slowly taking everything in. “That’s… a lot. Not in a bad way, it’s just— _wow_. I can’t believe this is actually happening.”

“Me neither,” Jisu smirks as she tilts her head to the side, eyeing Ryujin up and down. “What about you? I think I deserve to hear your story too.”

Ryujin rolls her eyes, but wastes no time before she starts to tell Jisu _everything_ , basking in the different faces she makes and the surprised noises that leave her mouth whenever Ryujin reveals something unexpected. 

It doesn’t take too long for Jisu’s lips to be on Ryujin’s again. It’s calm this time, their giggles blending with the sound of ocean waves crashing against the shore. Ryujin is sure she has never felt this weightless before.

“I want to do this the right way,” Jisu says when they pull apart, brushing a few hair strands from Ryujin’s face and putting them behind her ears, “I want to take you out on dates. I want to give you flowers. I want to kiss you in bathrooms at parties neither of us wanted to go. I want to figure this out with you and _only_ you, for now. Can we do that?”

Ryujin knows what Jisu means and that’s exactly what she wants, too— she loves Jisu, she loves her to death, but she wants to take things slow. She wants this experience, this perfect switch in their relationship, to belong to no one else but the two of them. It’s going to be their little secret for a while and the thought makes Ryujin’s heart race, mind going wild with possibilities.

“We can,” Ryujin nods, smiling so widely that her cheeks hurt. “And Jisu? I love you too. More than you can imagine.” Ryujin pauses, puts on a sly grin, “And yes, you have my permission to shower me with your love for as long as you want.”

Jisu beams and kisses her again, promises leaving their mouths as their bodies fall over the blanket, legs tangled as their hands dive into each other’s hairs. Ryujin couldn’t have asked for a better Sunday.

Now Ryujin knows she can hold on to this, to the certainty that they are going to learn how to give and receive love, _together_. 

In Jisu’s arms, Ryujin realizes that when summer comes, she won’t have a reason to be afraid— at least not anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys enjoyed this one! and if you did, i would love to read your thoughts in the comments! thank you so much for reading! <3


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